I'm so fucking centered right now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
