I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize