Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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