well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
