My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
