i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
