There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
