i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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