coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
