i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
