There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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