it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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