At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
