Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
