she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
