I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
