he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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