Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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