this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
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