Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
People with herpes should wear stickers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
