I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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