By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
