He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
