i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
