So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
