I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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