So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
