Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
