"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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