Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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