The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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