I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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