Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
