Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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