pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
