God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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