I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
