RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
