How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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