Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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