I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
