You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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