my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
