so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
