my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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