Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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