Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
