I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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