$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just crazy horny about you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
