Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
