i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
