I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
