I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
