he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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