She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
