I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
